Basic B*tch Pumpkin Pie

I love that Rainshadow had so many squash growing in so many places on the farm that they had to conduct The Great Squash Tasting. This may be helpful next year, but for now, I ended up with something oddly gorgeous; dark green with white speckles and stripes and deeply orange flesh. I was thinking Kabocha… A Japanese squash that is pretty damn good, albeit inherently dry. It lends itself to things like hot pot soups and purees to moisten up those dense nutrients.

So… I am a basic b*tch in the fall (ahem, all year) and require pumpkin spice EVERYTHING. However, this usually is available commercially with high sugar, fat, salt, or chalk full of inflammatory ingredients… aka, DELICIOUS. I wanted the most decadent fall pumpkin pie with all the good and sans epic regret. As it turns out, it was so good, I ate 2 pies myself. Stop judging me. Seriously. Okay fine. I get it.Basic B*tch Pumpkin Pie (Keto, Paleo, GAPS, and DASH friendly)1. Prep the night before: Soak 1/2 cup cashews in water. Soak a couple cups of pitted dates in water. Roast Kabocha Squash cut in half in the oven @400 Degrees F for about an hour or until tender. Keep all the above in the fridge overnight. 2. Day of: Puree cashews with a stick blender or regular blender with just enough of the water to create a smooth pudding-like consistency. Do the same with the dates. And then next, the Kabocha….Scrape out the flesh with a spoon. The squash will be dry and flaky and kind of a pain in the ass to work with. It’s all good. It just needs a little more water and love. I wish you all a Vitamix for Christmas. It helps.

For the Crust:
  • 1 cup almond flour
  • 1/2 cup coconut flour
  • 1/2 cup coconut oil
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 large egg
For the Filling: 
  • 2 cups Pumpkin Puree
  • 2/3 cup Cashew Puree
  • 3 cups Date Puree
  • 1 tsp. Vanilla
  • 1.5 TBSP Pumpkin Pie Spice
  • 1 tsp. Cinnamon
  • Pinch Salt
  • 2 Pastured Eggs


  1. Preheat oven to 350f.
  2. Mix all the crust ingredients together until it has a sandy consistency. Form the dough into a thick disk and wrap in cling wrap. Place in the fridge for 15-20 minutes.
  3. Roll out the dough between 2 pieces of parchment paper. It will be kind of brittle. That’s no worries. Patch the holes and cracks with excess dough. Carefully turn over the dough into a pie tin and again fix imperfections.
  4. Pierce the crust all over with a fork to prevent bubbling. Bake 10 minutes until lightly golden.
  5. Puree together all filling ingredients in a blender. Pour into the crust.
  6. Cover crust with foil to prevent burning.
  7. Bake 50 minutes. Uncover the crust. Bake an additional 10-20 minutes until all the wobbles are cooked out of the center and the crust is golden brown.
  8. Let pie cool on a rack for at least 30 minutes and enjoy like the the most basic of girls this fall.